The Warning Warning


Libbie Burns

               These characters belong to both the writer who created them and the producer that produced the show and the studio that produced the show and, of course, the wonderful actors who brought them to life (and who should still act like them because that's what they owe the fans). I also don't want to infringe on anybody's copyright, but please note that any characters I made up cannot be used by anyone else without my permission.

I am not making any profit on this story; I'm only charging what I spent for materials and labor and an ISP. The cost is $15 per story (fax and e-mail only; make sure you tell me which you prefer).

Part: 1/?? (I just never know when to stop!)

Story Warnings:
                  Please be advised there is adult content in this story. By adult content, I mean content that would be defined as "adult." Sex is conspicuous throughout the story (I'm sure most of you will recognize it), so when you come to a segment that contains sex, the section will be highlighted by the words "BEGIN SEX." When that section is over, the words "END SEX" will appear. Readers not sexual by nature should make note of this and skip over any sections that begin and end.
                  Readers who have sexual preferences to their aversions must make the following distinctions: "NS" indicates a "Normal Sex" scene. "KS" refers to a "Kinky Sex" scene. Please do not confuse the two terms.
                  This is a death story, by which I mean the word "death" does appear and is used in its proper context. Just as sex segments are marked with sexual warnings, death segments will be marked with deathly warnings
                  This is an AU story. However, since I don't know what an AU is, I can only warn readers not to read this story if they are unfairly and ignorantly biased against AUs.
                  There are some bad words in this story. (However, please know that I had a friend add those bad words, as I would never use them myself.)
                  Adults under 18 are not adults. Children should not be allowed to read this material, unless said children have been repeatedly exposed to the videotapes of this particular fandom, read to from the zines published in this fandom, raised to support this particular fandom as well as their parent's immersion in it, and forced to participate in this fandom or get no parental attention at all.

                  Lars Schimmelwitz, the crooked government agent, did it. (The crime, not the sex.)

Story Comments:
                  Any negative comments or criticisms of the story should be kept to yourself. Just because the story is available to everyone does not mean everyone is invited to voice their thoughts--remember, only positive thoughts are acceptable thoughts! And by positive thoughts I do not mean "good attempt; try again," I mean "wonderful story; you made me laugh, you made me cry; please write more!" Criticism should not be critical but flattering as well as positive and contain comparisons to other highly-praised writers. Such details as spelling, grammar, syntax and plot are to be ignored, as they interfere with the fun of the writing. The fun of the writing is all that matters, but it is only fun if readers recognize this and apply mandatory compliments. Likewise, research is not important to the overall effect of a story. I am not trying for verisimilitude, I am trying for real life as I see it.
                 If you can't contribute in the above manner, then you must not contribute at all. Which brings me to:

Story Meaning:
                The meaning of the story is obviously apparent, and has nothing to do with clear and concise writing for its expression. No interpretations of the story will be allowed as there is only one way to interpret the story, and that is my way (which when you read the story, will be obvious). Our heroes are what they are, and their relationship is not to be taken lightly or misconstrued in any way. Any attempts to assign an abnormal, sick, twisted, evil or minority meaning to the story will be shouted down immediately. Alternate readings are for fools, drunks, mad dogs, Englishmen, and people who are trying to take the fun out of writing and break up lists.
                 I am not in the medical field, the law enforcement field, or any scientific field. What I wrote is how I feel these jobs work, and it worked for me in the story so you should have no problem with it, either. It all makes sense to me and that's all that matters because it's my story.
                 The lead female character is NOT to be interpreted as an extension of myself. Just because she looks like me and acts like me and shares my first name, there is no reason to believe she IS me.
                 The plot is NOT a re-writing of any of my previous stories and expresses a new and insightful look at all the characters and situations I used in my last story which everyone loved.

Story Background:
                This story was conceived during a bleak, rainy day when I had run out of new tapes to watch (I had been promised new dubs, but my so-called friendly tape dubber was two weeks behind on her copies and no amount of telephoning and e-mailing had impressed upon her how desperately those new tapes were needed). Instead, I could have cleaned my home. I could have taken my children out to play. I could have gone to church. I could have gotten pursued a career. I could have volunteered my time to a worthy cause. I could have read a book, gone to a movie, or helped the old lady next door carry in her groceries, but something had stuck in my mind from the last tape I'd just watched: Just what did my beloved hero mean when he said at the end of the episode "I'm fine?"
                And then enlightenment hit me, and I had the answer! I was filled with enthusiasm for the idea that had just sprung up in my squishy gray lobes! Of course, the story would be complex, and require quite a bit of thought and research. (I would like to take a moment to thank all my fellow fen who found relevant web sites for me, condensed the overwhelming data into a few understandable sentences, and created a storyline to incorporate my idea.) I started writing immediately, my soul pouring out onto the page like ketchup from a catsup bottle. Chapter after chapter followed each other, crawling through the proverbial birth canal, no end in sight just as sometimes it takes a while for the afterbirth to show up.
                Believe me, I could hardly wait to get this written and out to you readers so you could tell me how good it is! (Yes, I know I could have written it quicker than in six days, but my boss wanted a doctor's excuse after I'd called in sick for three days!)

                Beta readers and editors are for wimps.
                But I would like to thank FanGirl and FanTCGirl for their encouragement and support, and in reassuring me I am not only a wonderful writer but truly a good person who doesn't deserve to be treated as just another fan but as the sensitive, soulful Fan Leader I am.
                 Please contact me if you'd like to join my private list: YouMustWorshipMeAndThinkAsIDo on